I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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