why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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