i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
