dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
