brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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