At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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