can we get nightvision for the apartment?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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