I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
