highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
