apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize