the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize