Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
