I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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