but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize