It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
