U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
