I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
