I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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