Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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