well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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