hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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