Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
