At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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