I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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