I just threw up on my dentist
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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