If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
