Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
