Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
