I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
