Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
