i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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