Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
