Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize