I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
