this beer tastes like vomit already
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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