YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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