Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
