watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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