is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dicks are not precious.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
