It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
