I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
how drunk are you?
Several
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
