I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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