I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
