I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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