she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
