I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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