Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
