His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
