I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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