You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
