i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
