What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
