plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
