Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
